Seasons of Life

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

As I lay here and look out my bedroom window at the leaves clinging to the trees, I am reminded of the seasons we all experience in our lives, just as the natural world we see goes through seasons.

As I battled depression back in 2006-2010 I thought the darkness had swallowed me whole and I wasn't sure I would ever come out. I felt as if all hope was gone, nothing I did seemed to help me get out of this pit. It felt like the icy cold of winter when nothing seems to be alive.

Then with graciousness there came a time of thawing. New life began to emerge as Jesus began mending wounds inside of me that haunted all that I was. It was hard work, as birthing new life often is, but yet it was gorgeous to look around and see the budding that happens in springtime as well.

Summertime came where it felt like there was so much love and splendor and all seemed right. It was wonderful. Days of basking in the Light, growth all around. But as with all the seasons, even the ones that seem wonderful must end. Things begin to cool off and start going to sleep as they ready for the winter ahead.

There are the days of harvest. And when growth seems to be dying back. Leaves fall, plants go into hibernation. Then come the days of winter once more where there seems to be no life.

Somehow I believed that when I became a Christian at 11 that now life would all be good. Jesus was my personal Savior, but I grew up in a legalistic culture and soon following rules became the most important thing. Along with making sure others thought well of me. But then came the winter of depression. In this time I tried myself to pull myself up out of the pit. But I failed miserably. To this I am grateful. I would never have met Jesus once more in such a real and powerful way.

Another thing I've learned along the way is even when we follow Jesus closely we will still have seasons of winter. I'm not sure why I didn't think this would happen. Jesus tells His disciples, "In this world you will have trouble." How did I miss this for so long? How did I think now that Jesus was my Savior, I'd have it easy and I'd live happily ever after? Did you ever feel that way, that life should be easy because you are a Believer?

What I've been learning as I've traveled through these distinctly different seasons is to lean into the discomfort or the joy of the current season. To be fully present to what's happening is helpful to me. I used to try to shut my feelings down, become a robot. It didn't work so well! But I've learned how valuable they are and how much they help me if I pay attention and allow them to teach me.

What about you? Which season are you in right now?

Holding it All Together

Lately the Lord has been working on me regarding the fact that I don't like to mess up. This past year brought some struggles to our family. I'd been working through the feelings and trying to stay present and truthful, but also not wound anyone in the process. The not wounding anyone started to take more and more precedence and so I was holding in more and more. It had become my idol. It became what was holding me back from what the Lord wants for us, freedom.

Last month the Lord began to show me a few things and to work on my heart in this area. He did this through an experiential I was leading, He used a paperclip to rock my world. I had asked the Lord what one thing did I need to let go of in working through this situation at home? He told me I needed to let go of control. BAM, it hit me right between the eyes, ouch. I've been working on letting go of control for YEARS and it was frustrating to hear that once more it was an issue. But I have experienced enough with the Lord to know there must be something here. He did show me through a visual that I have made progress, but it was still hard to hear once more. We were to pick up an item that we felt the Lord pointing us to and while there were several items to choose from, He led me to a paperclip. The Lord pointed out that paperclips hold things together and He gently told me I'd been holding things together for far too long. This resonated in my soul.

I asked the Lord what I was to do with this paperclip and I felt I was to open it up, straighten it. It occurred to me that the Lord usually doesn't take useful things and make them useless so I asked Him what this meant. I was reminded immediately of times when I open a paperclip to unlock the interior rooms in our home and also sometimes to get into the SIM card of my iPhone. And so the Lord did a shift in my heart where I realized I was no longer to hold it all together, I am now to be an unlocker.

As to messing up, no we don't want to purposefully or selfishly hurt others and damage them, however I love this quote from the book Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. "But I want to be around people who honestly fail me, not dishonestly deny that they have hurt me and have no intent to do better.  That is destructive for me and for them.  If people are owning their sin, they are learning through failure.  We can ride that out.  They want to be better, and forgiveness will help."

This is the person I want to be, someone who honestly fails others. Someone who owns it when I fail and talk it through with those I have failed. I am human and I will make mistakes. Mistakes aren't the worst thing to happen, in fact, they tend to be the best tools of learning, but that's another topic for another day!

If you are struggling in a situation right now, what is the one thing the Lord would ask you to let go of? You could ask Him to direct you to an object and ask Him in what way this object relates to what He's telling you. Then ask Him what to do with the object from here.

Faith vs Works

Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character. - Step 6 of the Twelve Steps

I’m slowly reading through Breathing Under Water by Richard Rohr. When I began reading this chapter it reminded me of the debate I’ve often heard in the church which is Faith vs Works. Which is most important? According to Richard Rohr, it’s not one, it’s both. And I would agree form the experiences I’ve had. It takes work and courage to be able to face those parts of yourself you would rather hide away. At the same time when you find it and face it, it takes Faith and courage to step back, letting go of control and allowing the Lord to touch that place in ways that only He can. Sometimes He heals those places as we visit wounds and other times He meets me there in my lacking. The question is can I trust Him enough to let Him choose whether I  am healed miraculously or met in my deepest need each time I need it?

This is a subject I’ve also heard Terry Wardle speak of a few different times. A Scripture he has quoted us Hebrews 4:11 “Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.” Note that choice in words. Make every effort. Sounds like doing something, but then you enter rest, which is not doing but being.

To me this means there are things I can do to enter into the Lord's presence, but once I'm in the Lord's Presence it is up to Him to do the rest. It's up to Him if in that time of resting He heals me.or He meets me in my weakness and vulnerability.

For me I read my Bible, I meditate on the Lord, I pray, and do many different Spiritual Practices because when I've been there the Lord has shown up in powerful ways. While these are great practices to have, they aren't the goal. These practices are only the doorway to entering God's Presence. I'd think you'd agree with me when you walk through the doorway to your house, it has little to do with what you find in there it's not the substance of why you came in, it is only the entry way. The same way with not holding the practices up on a pedestal. These practices are the entryway to meet God and not the ending point.

If we circle back to the beginning of this post where I quote the 6th step from AA and Falling Upwards, where we are ready for God to remove the defects we notice that while these doorways may be great ways to meet the Lord, the healing, removing these defects, comes only from God doing what only He can do. That's when true transformation happens, not just a temporary change. Transformation changes the trajectory of your life. It's nothing that you have done and you don't take the credit for it and neither can any of the doorposts, it's all God! He touched you and it's miraculous.

Have you had any experiences where you entered into a doorway to be touched by Jesus? I'd love to hear about it in the comments below!

Ready for a New Year!

As another year draws to a close I like to take some time to ask the Lord for a word for the coming year. It's not a resolution or change I claim to make, but asking what the Lord wishes to show me for the coming year. I don't necessarily ponder on this greatly throughout the year, though I often get a few books to help me with the topic. But, I'm always amazed at how the Lord brings this back to my awareness throughout the year.

I put the word or phrase on a notecard and often have some phrases to go with it and a picture that feels as if it fits. For me I have an arrangement of my past words and current word in my closet. It makes my heart happy to see this!

This is another way to be silent and allow the Lord to lead you. If you are interested in how to go about this I'll leave a few steps.

The first step is to become silent. Take time to quiet your soul. Focus on your breath if you need help calming your spirit. When you feel calm and quiet ask the Lord, what is the word you want to give me for the coming year?

I will journal about what I feel the Lord speaking to me. And I love that He will often expand my understanding of the word or phrase throughout the coming year, but especially solidify it for the next few weeks.

Next I will often google the word or phrase until I find an image that matches the spirit of the word. Such as this one for my phrase this year.
 

I love to read so I will often check amazon.com for books that call to me on that word or phrase. I've never been disappointed yet when I follow my heart!

Follow your heart with what calls to you. I've heard of some people doing a poster board full of quotes and pictures of their word. Others find a song that goes with their word for the year. Still others will do artwork. None of it is wrong and if you follow the Lord, you can't get it wrong!

I'd love to hear in the comments about if you've tried this in the past and what works for you. I'd also love if you feel led to share, what's your word for 2018? How did this process go for you? Blessings!

Trust the Process

Recently I was reading in Revelation was about how Satan will be bound for 1,000 years so he cannot tempt anyone. Something I've been pondering lately is why didn't the Lord do this from the start? Why allow Satan the freedom to deceive His children? It hit me that the Lord has an awful lot of trust in this thing called the human race. Somehow He knows this process is for our betterment and refinement.

This passage was from the end of the Bible, so if we go way back to the beginning in Genesis, is it different?

In Genesis 3 notice that God has trusted Adam and Eve enough to not to micromanage them at every moment. He doesn't smother them every moment of every day. They are alone in the Garden and in that moment Satan decides to slide in and work his deception. It works. He makes them doubt God's goodness. Satan helps them start to want power for themselves. He may start it but the man and woman continue this lust for being greater than they are. But at what cost? As soon as they eat the fruit, they realize they are naked! They are vulnerable! How ghastly. They quickly cover themselves up so as not to feel shame at their nakedness, their vulnerability. And so all this hiding begins.

Notice as God comes walking through the Garden, does He shame them? No He asks questions, he called them out of hiding. They are the ones who continue to hide, even as they are invited out. They can't even handle being naked and vulnerable in God's presence. And He loves them enough to make clothes to cover them. To help them be comfortable in His presence, even if it puts a hindrance in their relationship.

They've screwed up big time and God isn't worried! He stays inquisitive and open, but they shut down and blame others instead of taking ownership for their part and admitting their stuff. It doesn't worry God. He isn't all of a sudden nervous because His creation didn't follow His instructions. He doesn't decide to micromanage and now make sure they follow the rules. Somehow, He knows it will all work out.

God held to the boundaries and sent the humans out of the Garden so they couldn't live forever in this state, which is really quite loving. But He didn't shut them out of relationship with Him. He kept trying to find ways to show them how He loved them and was waiting for them. He was and is willing to fill our deepest needs in ways only He can if we are willing to let Him and not be deceived by all the lures of the world.

I want to be like this. To trust the process. To stay open and inquisitive even when those around me shut me out. To set up boundaries, but yet to be there ready and waiting with open arms for when they are ready to open up, even when there is pain in the process. While I know I cannot do this perfectly as God does, and I won't fill the deepest needs of those that turn to me, I can learn my path by being open and inquisitive with myself. To trust the process of my path, even when it feels like I 'failed'. I feel a peaceful calm inside my soul as I contemplate this Simple Trust. That is what I desire. To stay calm when my world is shaking, knowing that God is charge of it all.

If as you try to journey along this journey of life you find yourself stuck, in pain, or unable to move forward, feel free to contact me. I meet with individuals who desire to find deeper connection with God in the circumstances in life, but things seem to get in the way of this connection. Feel free to contact me if you are interested in an appointment or just to see if Inner Healing is a fit for what you are needing right now. loriyoder (@) maplcitychapel (.) org

Amazing Grace

This has become a sweet song and maybe we sing it without giving it much thought. But stop and think, Amazing Grace. Why those words? Because I've been forgiven and set free. And not because of anything I've done, in fact, it's more I've been saved in spite of what I've done. Listen to the words of the chorus. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. Wow! Even wretches like me can be saved in this place!

I grew up thinking that if someone sinned, severe punishment was deserved. The person needed to be taught a lesson. They really needed to learn how bad they truly were. To be made to feel the depth of what they had done. And there is a time and place for punishment, not sure how the world would be without laws and justice. But this isn't how the gospel works.

Read about the Prodigal Son. This son rejected his father and all he was to him. The son went and lived a life of selfish luxury. Finally all his money is spent. He has nothing and he becomes hungry. This is the real reason he decides maybe it's time to head home, his stomach is empty. And the son doesn't expect to be fully restored, he really does expect to be just a servant. Yet what does the Father do? Punish him so he learns his lesson as the older brother would like, as so many of us would like? No the father throws a feast, a banquet, and lavishes his son. He places the son right back into the position of who he is, the son. Not a servant or a slave or even a friend, he's right back to being the son.

I don't know about you, but man, that's Amazing Grace! That's undeserved, lavish, abundant mercy. A while ago I read the book Eve by William Paul Young and Young talks of how all the Father wants of us is to re-turn to Him. The reason Young uses re-turn is because when we sin we've begun to veer off on our path. Picture the Father at the head of our path and we start to shift, sometimes just a few degrees, others times a lot. This shift, it changes our ending point,we'll no longer end up where the Father is waiting. But all we need to do is to re-turn our body in order to face Him once more. And the Father, He is much like that Prodigal Father  and He isn't looking to shame us, He's looking for us to re-turn, turn back to facing Him, and when we do that, there He stands with open arms ready to embrace us and put us back into our position as sons and daughters of the King.

There will be those that ask, What about sin? Aren't you being light on it?

Absolutely not. Sin is really is its' own punishment. It bears consequences that sometimes last a lifetime. Those aren't magically erased. But I believe the worst part is that Si separates us from the Father. And who of us can bear that separation? It's why we are always looking for ways to get back that relationship, but it's not in what we do besides turning to Him. Jesus has done the work for us, He's paid the price. All I need to do is turn back into my loving Father's arms.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found.
Was blind, but now I see.

Silence, What's the Point?

Psalm 46:10 Be Still and Know that I am God.

If we break this down it means there are two parts to that verse. The first part is Be still. The second part is And know that I am God. Why is that important?

Have you ever heard the saying that if the Devil can't get you to his side, he will just make us busy? I'd add distracted to that. Think of it! What a better way to keep us from connecting with God! It tells us in Psalm 46:10 - “Be still and know that I am God”, but if we can't be still, how will we finish that? How will we know God? 

God speaks to us in our every day world, though we rarely hear it. This is because we need to slow down. Stop. Listen to that still, small voice. But how can we do that while we continue to rush from activity to activity? Today I will just briefly mention a few ways I take time to slow down and meet the Lord, but this post would become far too long if I went into detail on them all. So feel free to ask questions in the comments.

With all these exercises of stillness get into a comfortable position and take a few deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose, hold it, then release out through your mouth. Close your eyes, invite the Holy Spirit to come to your awareness.

*Meditation/Contemplation. This is not like the new age to clear your mind, this is Meditating on God, on His Truth. It says in Psalm 1:2-3 'but those whose delights in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither- whatever they do prospers.' So even the Lord asks us to meditate upon Him and be still in His Presence. To begin to meditate, ask the Lord for a word or phrase to hold on to as you are quiet. As you meditate, if worries or thoughts from life come up, gently notice them and let them pass as clouds in the sky. Release them, then return to the word or phrase the Lord has given you.

*There's an experiential that Terry Wardle teaches called the 3 R's, as a way of coming into the Lord's Presence. In his book called Every Breath We Take, Terry goes into great detail of this. I'd highly encourage you to get it. The first R is to Rest in the Presence of the Lord - in your imagination ask the Lord for the rest He wants to give you. One time as I thought of resting before the Lord, I had the image of curling up in the Father's hand. It was so comfortable and tender. The second R is to Receive what the Lord is wanting to give to you. Ask Him as you are there resting, "Lord what would you like me to receive from you today?" The third R is responding to the Lord's love. Recently at a seminar I asked the Lord how I would respond. This opened things up for me in ways they hadn't before. Always before I just wondered what my response was and while that was good this time I saw the Lord showing me to go and tell others. This was a whole new thought on Responding to what He gave me.

*Imaginative Contemplation from pray-as-you-go.org, this is where you place yourself into stories from Scripture. You become one of the characters or a bystander in the story. You relive this story in your imagination and pay attention to how you feel about what is happening in the story. You pay attention to what things the Lord brings to your thoughts and imagination. Then ask the Lord what He is trying to show you through all of this. It is a powerful exercise to help make the Bible incredibly real. David Benner in Surrender to Love, also talks about a similar exercise. His book is so very powerful.

These are just a few ways to get started in silence. As you journey on Richard Rohr has a few more ideas in his books, as does Terry Wardle. Terry Wardle also has some great seminars as you go along this journey of following stillness and gaining a deeper knowing God. Another great book would be Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton. You can find many more books that will help you grow deeper in your practice of silence. Don't become overwhelmed, pick one practice and start. These above are easy ways to begin, but if you need more information, feel free to ask questions. And because these practices grow as you do, they never become old or boring!

Here's one more reason to begin your practice of silence. Mediation is shown to increase dopamine. Psycologytoday.com defines dopamine as a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them. Dopamine is also released through exercise. It's also released through certain addictions. I will however leave those for you to research yourself. But how amazing that God uses something He asks us to do anyway to be able to release such a powerful substance in our bodies in a positive way!

If as you try to journey along with Silence you find yourself stuck or unable to move forward, feel free to contact me. I meet with individuals who desire to find deeper connection with God in the circumstances in life, but things seem stuck or painful or maybe something just doesn't seem right. Feel free to contact me if you are interested in an appointment or just to see if Inner Healing is a fit for what you are needing right now.